The Stories We Tell
It never ceases to amaze me how signature themes simply ‘pop out’ as I see commonality thread through diverse circumstances. The thread: self-talk shackling patterns that prevent growth; revolve rather than evolve.
‘I’ll lose him forever if I don’t accept his friend’ (Mother of a young adult child working to reconnect with her estranged son)
‘They always come to me to figure it out, everything depends on me’ (Owner who jumps to fix rather than asking employees ‘how would you?’, and is remiss in setting up organizational infrastructure like expectations at a bare minimum)
‘I’ll work out later, I’m already dressed’ (Retired Man, frustrated at not achieving ‘simple’ goals of how to spend his later years)
‘Unbelievable, I was ghosted by an employee who gave notice and then called out sick for the remainder of the notice time. It’s a sign of the times, lack of respect and integrity’ (Employer who believes they can mold and change others to their values)
Let’s look at 2 different scenarios and what to consider as we listen to our self-talk.
Scenario 1: As I walked through the fall splintered sunlight he spoke of his brother being raised by one parent, he by the other (both in the same household), and this being the reason that he and his brother have no relationship. Really? Is that a story he tells himself which keeps him distant and puts responsibility outside of himself? Is that really a universal truth or could that be someone else’s reason as to why they and their sibling are so close?
True intimacy comes as we look with-in and acknowledge who we are, open-up with realization and be bold enough to share our truth, allow our vulnerabilities to surface, be present with our-self, and another.
Scenario 2: ‘I needed to break it off because I didn’t have feelings for her’. Yes, they were open about the relationship, no long-term expectation, companionship and someone to hang with was put on the table. ‘Pay attention to the story you are telling yourself about the need to break up. Perhaps you do that to avoid connection on any level. If she knows this is a casual relationship, why are you taking responsibility for her to make decisions if she wants to continue. It’s enabling, perhaps a remnant of growing up in a co-dependent household.’
Stories we tell ourselves.
What stories are you telling yourself? When you hear a reason or justification for a position, listen to it. Is it really so? Perhaps it is an anchor holding you back from looking with-in, opening-up, connecting-to, and becoming whole.
It’s time to lift the burden of not being our authentic self off of our shoulders, rid that part of us that takes on responsibilities that are not ours, where blame and excuses allow dis-ease to shrink a healthful mindful rendition of our best selves. Let’s connect with others rather than the illusion of who we think they, and we, are.
Evolving, not revolving.
“Either I will find a way, or I will make one.”